Independents Day has come and gone, and it got me thinking about all of the beer that has been consumed over the past weekend to celebrate the birth of our country. At this point, it is not new information, at least to the educated Craft Beer Drinker, that Budweiser, Coors and Miller are no longer American owned breweries. But still much of the population seems to ignore this fact entirely. Maybe the general population is just so wonderfully enthralled with the tastelessness of these beer knockoffs and their sexist marketing, that they have forgotten to realize the close similarity to these beverages with what has been previously described as ball sweat.
Now I am no different then most people in the fact that I have friends, and yes, even family who absolutely refuse to drink anything other than these beverages. It saddens me that many of these are good wholesome people who just do not know any better and are suffering without ever realizing it. Personally I would like to grab each one of them by the scruff of the neck and shake them until they succumb. Or even violently kick them in the sack so that I may then pour a flavorful pint down their throat. But I know in my heart that violence is not the answer. (thanks mom!)
So what are we to do as a nation to help our fellow Americans get on the path to righteousness and beer freedom? After spending many restless nights pondering this question. I have come to realize that it is only with diligence and bravery in which we shall prevail. So I call on all of you... the enlightened ones, to reach out to your fellow human beings, to our brothers and sisters. Now is the time to sway the uneducated by providing samples of crossover brews! Initiate beer tastings! Food Pairings! Homebrew Demonstrations! And if necessary utilize gorilla warfare to raid their fridges and replace the unholy piss water with beers of flavor and substance!
We can no longer stand by and allow this behavior to continue! If you won’t do it for yourselves, then for goodness sakes, do it for America!